


In Which Adrien Claims to be Dating Himself

by Nymphadora88



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Identity Reveal, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Is a Little Shit, Adrien Agreste/Marinette Dupain-Cheng Fluff, F/M, Lila Rossi Lies, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Knows, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Identity Reveal, Protective Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22337710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nymphadora88/pseuds/Nymphadora88
Summary: When Lila takes her tall tales a step too far for Adrien's comfort, he uses some unexpected (not really) defensive maneuvers. Marinette does damage control. Hijinks ensue.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Comments: 498
Kudos: 958





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first foray into MLB fanfics. I just couldn't resist this overdone bit of tropey goodness.

Adrien Agreste was using every last speck of willpower he had left trying to stay awake. For forty-eight hours, Hawkmoth and Mayura had been tag-teaming it, sending out a nearly constant stream of alternating sentimonsters and akumas. It seemed as though they had finally figured out that if they couldn't defeat Paris' favorite dynamic duo by brute force, they could wear them down through sheer exhaustion. If Adrien was completely honest, it was a very effective strategy. If it weren't for the looming threat of Ladybug's wrath, he would have happily traded his Miraculous for an uninterrupted nap.

Behind him, Marinette didn't seem to be faring much better. He had seen Alya at the scene of most of the battles, and he wondered if she had dragged Mari along to help with filming. He didn't remember seeing her, but he had been a bit preoccupied on these occasions, so it was possible that he had missed her. He smiled as his slightly enhanced hearing picked up her soft little snores. That had to be it.

He must have been even more out of it than he thought, because when the door opened suddenly, he nearly fell off his chair. His knee hit the underside of his table, and it was all he could do to grab his travel mug before his precious coffee toppled to the floor. Lila and Alya strolled through the door, chatting animatedly about one of the akumas from the night before. An angry postal worker had become Papercut, and had spent several hours covering Paris in bubble wrap and stuffing citizens into oversized envelopes. Apparently, Chat Noir had stopped by to recharge at Lila's house during the fight. Adrien bit his tongue to keep himself in check.

"Wait...Lila. Do you know Chat Noir's secret identity?!" Alya whispered loudly. She was lapping it up, all right. Lila let out an embarrassed little laugh. It was like sandpaper in his ears.

"Well...I know his face, but not his name. I shouldn't say anything. But, I could never keep a secret like this from my best friend. Chat and I are sort of... dating...a little. We haven't labeled it. Let's just say he stays over sometimes." Lila managed to look convincingly bashful, while Alya's mouth had fallen open in shock.

"Oh my GOSH, girl. How did this happen? Was he over last night?" Alya looked like she might spontaneously combust. Meanwhile, Adrien was starting to feel more than a little queasy.  
"Well, yeah. But he was so tired, it wasn't like anything exciting was going to happen. I'm just glad he has a place where he feels safe." 

Adrien peeked behind him and saw Marinette's eyes open a crack. Her delicate features contorted into a grimace. She looked like she wanted to stab something. With the way his own chest was constricting in disgust, he wasn't sure he would stop her. Their eyes met, and he felt a familiar tingle on the back of his neck. It was a sensation that only happened in battle, and occasionally when his crafty friend was up to some sort of mischief. He immediately knew what Mari was thinking. She was formulating a plan, and she wanted him to keep quiet. It was a new development between them, this unspoken alliance, but they had fallen into an easy rapport. She gave a tiny shake of her head. Her pretty blue eyes sought to inspire patience in him. It was like she could see that he was about to do something rash, and she was silently urging him to let her take charge. It was eerily similar to the look Ladybug gave him right before he jumped in the path of an akuma. Everything about that moment went exactly as it would have with Ladybug, particularly the part where he ignored her and dove right into the fray. Consequences be damned.

"That's a load of crap, Lila." Adrien said, his voice hoarse from days of yelling taunts at gaudily costumed supervillains. "Chat Noir wouldn't be caught dead with the likes of you." Lila's eyes narrowed menacingly, while Alya's gaze fixed on him in surprise. It seemed like he had spoken a bit more loudly than he had intended to, as several pairs of eyes were curiously moving between Lila and himself. He knew that it had been stupid to say something without having a way to disprove Lila's claims. But, despite the foolishness of it, he couldn't stomach the idea of people thinking that he would touch Lila Rossi with a ten foot pole...in either form.

"Adrien, I'm not sure why you're acting like this. I thought we had gotten past your jealousy issues. I just don't see you that way. Chat and I have a real connection." Her eyes slid behind him, to linger briefly on Marinette. "I thought we had an understanding." The meaning behind her words was clear. He needed to back down, or else. He was supposed to let her have her fun, and she would not socially decimate his friend. The original plan had been to imply that Chat was dating Marinette. She would have gone along with it, and he could have figured out a way to protect his identity while covering his ass in the Lila debacle. That option was no longer in the table. It was clear that he couldn't drag her into this without putting her in the line of fire. He had to keep Marinette safe. She was one of his truest friends. He cared deeply about her. Historically, as Ladybug could attest, caring about people made him do stupid things. Very stupid things, indeed.

"I'm sorry, Lila. I think you're misunderstanding me. I'm not remotely interested in you that way. I'm sorry if I ever gave you that impression. I just know for a fact that Chat Noir did not spend the night with you. Last night, or any night." Adrien plastered on his best fake smile, maintaining eye contact with his opponent. Distraction. He was good at distraction. If he kept her focused on him, Mari wouldn't get hurt. Lila smiled, sure that she had him cornered.

"Why would you say that? Where else would he have been?" Her voice was deadly calm, the threat simmering under the surface. It would be undetectable to anyone else, but it was there. Marinette was whispering frantically under her breath.

"No. No. Adrien. NO." She was such a good friend. Too sweet and kind to be subjected to anything Lila had in store for her. There was only one thing to be done. Adrien grinned.

"Because... Chat Noir was in my bed last night."


	2. Chapter 2

An unnatural silence swept over the room. Alya's books fell from her arms, crashing down several steps and settling at his feet. Adrien couldn't help but smile. He gracefully bent to gather her things for her, stacking them neatly and setting them on the desk behind Nino. Alya did not seem to register his movements at all. 

"Y-you. Chat. WHAT?!" Alya had obviously been pushed past her capacity for shocking revelations. 

"Well...it's true." Adrien shrugged, revelling in the fact that he was technically not lying. Nino patted him weakly on the back. When he spoke, it was with a tone of impressed awe.

"Damn, dude. I mean... congrats. I don't swing that way, but I've got to say...the guy looks pretty hot in leather, so...I get it." Adrien snorted into his coffee, which he had been sipping as nonchalantly as possible. He would need to file that away for later amusement. Marinette, who had been conspicuously silent, cocked her head to the side and smiled a strange sort of smile.

"Wow. And here I thought he was head over heels for Ladybug. I hope she can survive the heartbreak." There was a glimmer of something unidentifiable in her eyes that was almost ominous. He gulped, but kept his model smile firmly in place.

"Well, neither of us would object if she wanted to join in. For now, though, Chat and I are pretty exclusive." Marinette's cheeks darkened, her eyes widening comically. Granted, openly discussing the possibility of having a threesome with himself and Ladybug was not how he had seen homeroom playing out. Lila snickered behind her hand.

"Oh, Adrien. You're hilarious. How are we supposed to know you're telling the truth? Do you have any proof? A selfie? A note? Maybe a dirty text?" Of course, this was the problem with his master plan. He couldn't exactly be in a selfie with Chat Noir. He found himself idly wondering how far he could press Wayhem's admiration of him. The thought was just a little too cringe-inducing to entertain for long. He would have to keep winging it for now.

"Nope." Lila smiled victoriously at his response, but it was short-lived. "But, you could ask him. He's not shy." Adrien shrugged. Lila let out a huff of frustration before storming out of the classroom.

"Changing topics from your illustrious affairs with superheroes," Marinette quipped, still looking at him with an odd expression behind her casual smile. "Did you have those notes I missed a few days ago?" She maintained perfect eye contact. He shook his head, a little confused. She hadn't asked him for notes. He studied her face curiously. "Did you leave them in your locker? We should go get them." Her smile was angelic, her voice sweet and unassuming. He was definitely in trouble.

"Um. Yes? Sure. Let's...go get them." This was obviously the correct answer, because Mari jumped up from her seat and pulled him cheerfully out the door, past a stuttering Alya. She said nothing, didn't even look back at him until they reached the locker room. Adrien watched anxiously as she performed a quick sweep of the area, making sure they were alone. Then her eyes narrowed as she rounded on him.

"What in the whipped cream covered HELL is wrong with you?" Adrien felt like he'd been doused with ice water. Marinette didn't get angry often, but when she did...he shuddered at the thought. 

" I...I mean...Chat Noir WAS in my bed last night. Scout's honor." He awkwardly held up two fingers in a salute, before realizing what he was doing and stuffing his hand in his pocket. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't for her to collapse against the lockers in hysterical laughter.

" Of course he was. Because...ha...he...and you…" she brought her hands together in a unifying gesture. Adrien was floundering. It was one thing to lie to someone like Lila Rossi. It was much harder to be dishonest to someone he cared about. Marinette, however, seemed to be having some sort of breakdown.

"Um...Mari? Are you...ok? I mean, I know, I mean... I heard you had feelings for Chat awhile back. I just…" Marinette was curled up on the floor, shaking with laughter.

" Oh, god. I'm so tired. Stop talking. Can't breathe." Unsure of how to navigate the situation, Adrien slid down to sit next to her. Marinette pulled herself into a sitting position and took his right hand in her own. Her gaze lingered on his hand for a moment. She shook her head in something like disbelief. "Of COURSE, it had to be you. This is quite the mess we've gotten ourselves into, isn't it?" Adrien looked at her quizzically. "Nevermind. Let's just sit here for a minute and wait for the explosions to commence." When she saw his puzzled expression, she elaborated. "You pissed off Lila. It's only a matter of time before she's akumatized. Fifty Euros says she's out in the courtyard with a butterfly net right now." Adrien let out a barking laugh. She wasn't wrong. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Nathalie. Of course. Complication number two of his foolproof plan. Adrien didn't bother to look at it.

"My father is going to skin me alive." Marinette giggled, nodding slowly. 

"And how many ways, exactly, would you say there are for him to do that? More than one?" She asked, slyly. Adrien regarded her carefully.

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng, you discover that I'm going to be murdered by my own father for sleeping with a superhero. Also, that said superhero is not female. All of this character development, and all you can do is make CAT PUNS?" She smiled a wide, affectionate smile. 

"Don't be such a pussy, Agreste. I'm sure Chat Noir would have nothing but respect for my ill-timed cat puns." She was one hundred percent correct about that, actually. Adrien let go of her hand and threw his arm over her shoulders. He could see the tiniest bit of pink dusting her cheeks.

Over the past year or so, something had shifted between them, and she'd become less uncomfortable around him. Overall, he was thrilled with this development. She was brave, and sassy, and unpretentiously witty. Every so often, though, her shyness would seem to creep back in. He didn't mind. He had sort of missed it, to be honest. Even if he was resigned to the fact that his heart would always belong to Ladybug, it was nice to be able to make a cute girl blush once in a while...not because he was famous, or rich, or stereotypically attractive. It was simply because he was Adrien, and she was Marinette. He had always enjoyed toeing the line between friendliness and flirting with her. He would get a little too close, and she would retreat. A game if Chat and Mouse, if you will. It was nice to see he could still have that effect on her, even if nothing could come of it. 

Adrien was brought back to reality by the chiming of Marinette's phone. She pulled it from her jacket pocket and tapped the screen.

"It's Alya. Excellent news. You're trending." She passed her appropriately pink phone over to show him, and he groaned, handing it back.

"Can we just live in here? Like that episode of "The Magicians". We'll spend the next fifty or so years trying to piece my life back together, fall in love out of loneliness, grow old, and you can bury me under the wrestling mats when I finally bite it?" Marinette laughed a clear, genuine laugh. 

"Can't. Akuma alert just came out. You should probably get ready to comfort your boyfriend after Lila tries to assault him." She gave him a knowing smile as she stretched her legs tiredly and stood. 

"Where are you going?" Adrien asked incredulously, the sneaking suspicion that she was intentionally leaving him alone- that she knew- growing in his gut.

"Home. Have to get ready. Ladybug has needs too, you know." He gaped at her.

"Mari!" He called after her retreating form.

"Peaches and plums, motherfucker!" She yelled back, earning a chuckle from him as he waited for her to get out of earshot so he could transform. Peaches and plums, indeed. 

OOOOOO  
So, to those who do not watch "The Magicians", I'm sorry about the super specific reference. Also, please do so immediately. It's amazing (so long as you are an older teen/ adult/don't have parents that will hunt me down for recommending it).


	3. Chapter 3

"Well...isn't that ironic?" Chat Noir muttered to himself. It seemed that Lila had been transformed into some type of walking lie detector test. Anyone shot with her truth beam was forced to blurt out their most secret truths regarding whoever they were talking to. Questions had to be answered honestly, as well. This could be tricky, what with secret identities and all. Ladybug swung in, a cheeky smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Hello, there, tomcat. I hear you've got yourself a new paramour. I must say, I'm a little devastated." She nudged his shoulder. He smirked.

"Is m'lady jealous? I'm sure Adrien won't mind sharing…" She leaned in a bit, and Chat's heart rate increased with her proximity. He watched as she fluttered her eyelashes at him delicately, drawn in, even knowing that she was toying with him.

"Oh, no, minou. I'm not jealous of Adrien. I'm jealous that you got him first." Her voice was low and sultry. To his credit, Chat managed not to fall off of the roof peak he was perched on. "Would YOU mind sharing?" She winked at him, and he groaned.

"You're mean." He pouted. Ladybug laughed, ruffling his hair. He couldn't help the warm smile that lit up his face. "If you could assist me, our favorite little liar seems to be telling her friends that I'm her boyfriend. I'm not sure I can stop throwing up in my mouth long enough to fight." 

"Poor Kitty." Ladybug used one finger to scratch under his chin, eliciting a small purr.

Their banter was interrupted by Truth Bombshell (Chat noted that Hawkmoth was getting even worse at naming his akumas as time went on) shooting her beam inches from their heads. Chat rolled away from the attack, winking at his partner. She would need a minute to size up the situation. He could give her that. Diversion tactics were, after all, his specialty. He found that it was especially easy to distract an akuma that was holding a grudge against you personally. He darted, rolled, and parried her attacks as far from Ladybug as possible.

Over the akuma's shoulder, he saw his lady call for her lucky charm. It was a hand mirror. It must have been intended for him, as she tossed it over Truth Bombshell's head for him to catch. He knew exactly what she wanted him to do, but there was no time. As he reached for the spotted mirror, a beam hit him square in the chest. A sensation like bubbles rose up through his chest, and into his mouth. He clamped his hands over his lips to avoid saying anything he shouldn't.

"Chat Noir. Excellent. I have a few questions for you." Chats eyes widened, and he shook his head. Ladybug was trying to get close, dodging beams that the akuma was half-heartedly shooting over her shoulder. "Answer me clearly and honestly." Chat felt his hand fall of their own volition. The second his hands moved away from his mouth, words started spilling out.

"I think your usual hairstyle makes you look like you're wearing hot dogs as earrings." Ha. The truth wasn't so bad after all. Chat grinned a wide, cheshire grin as Bombshell scowled back at him.

"Chat Noir. Have you ever had a sexual encounter with Adrien Agreste?" Bombshell asked in a loud voice, obviously wanting Paris to hear the answer.

"Absolutely. At least four times a week since I was fourteen." Bombshell looked taken aback by this. Chat could only thank Tikki for the fortunate wording of the question. The momentary pause was enough for Ladybug to work her way around the akuma, who shot beam after beam at her, her aim compromised by her obvious frustration. Ladybug darted behind him, and Chat managed to hold the mirror up to deflect it. It ricocheted back at the akuma, hitting its owner solidly in the jaw. Ladybug's voice rang out behind him.

"Truth Bombshell, or should I say, Lila, what is your relationship to Chat Noir?" Lila's periwinkle face contorted with rage.

"I think he's an idiotic goody-two shoes with a latent beastiality kink. I don't know him at all, really. I've only interacted with him when he was saving me or when I was intentionally sabotaging him to help Hawkmoth. He's hot enough, I guess." There were gasps from bystanders. It wasn't every day that someone admitted to aiding a magical terrorist. Ladybug's yoyo string was now wrapping itself around her, pinning her arms to her sides.

"So, do you make a habit of lying, then?" Chat asked, figuring he might as well do the job thoroughly.

"I say whatever I need to say to impress people into doing what I want. People are stupid. They deserve what they get." Chat turned to the crowd that was forming. A small group of reporters, Alya among them, had gathered to film the fight.

"There you have it, folks." He shrugged, saluted, and smashed the pen that she held in her left hand, freeing the corrupted butterfly. Ladybug unceremoniously dropped Lila and captured the akuma with practiced ease.

"Chaton. Meet me on the rooftop of the abandoned art gallery in ten minutes. I need to recharge, but we should talk." She laid her hand on his arm gently before zipping away into an alley.

"So, how did the little troublemaker get herself akumatized this time?" Ladybug asked as she dropped down next to him. 

"It was... well, it was sort of Adrien's fault. She said she was involved with me, and then she subtly threatened someone very important to him. He snapped a little, spilled the beans on us." He supplied. 

"What do you mean, she threatened someone? Who?" Ladybug asked innocently.

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Adrien has an... arrangement with Lila. He'll pretend to be friendly with her, so long as she leaves Princess alone." Chat said it casually, but Ladybug struggled to hide her reaction.

"W-why would he do that?" She stammered. Chat smiled softly.

"Mari is one of his best friends, he's very protective of her. Honestly, I think he's a little bit in love with her. Not that he'd admit it to me, of course. I don't think he'd even admit it to himself." A wry smirk curled his lips. Ladybug seemed to be struggling internally with something. Her breathing was shallow, and her face had gone tomato red. Chat found her response to this fascinating. "M'lady, ARE you jealous? Adrien wouldn't happen to be that guy you keep rejecting me for, would he?" Chat kept his tone light, teasing. Ladybug sighed, shaking off her obvious emotion.

"Cut the crap, Chaton. You would never put a civilian in danger by having a romantic relationship with them in the suit. And Adrien Agreste would never lie to his friends, nor would he set himself up as bait for Hawkmoth by announcing that he had a special connection to a superhero. Unless that civilian and superhero were the same person. One person who cares about Marinette enough to kamikaze his carefully crafted image to protect her, and to take their mutual nemesis down. Your Chat was showing today, Adrien." Chat Noir had the grace to look embarrassed, as well as shocked.

"How did you figure all of this out without being there? You act like you saw what happened, but that's impossible." Chat studied her face, a nagging feeling taking root in his heart. He knew her, but the Miraculous kept burying that knowledge in a dense fog. He had once suspected Marinette, but then he had seen her as Multimouse. She had detransformed right in front of him, and Ladybug had been standing next to her. It was irrefutable proof. But...his heart had undeniably wanted it to be her. It still did.

"I have my ways." She winked. "Our first priority has to be protecting your identity. We need people to see Chat and Adrien together to validate your story." Chat was a little surprised at her lack of screaming and hitting. He had expected a very different reaction.

"How is that possible? I mean, I have a cousin who looks like me. But, you met him. He's an asshole. Also, I'm not kissing my cousin." Ladybug laughed.

"Silly Kitty. You just need someone who has access to the fox miraculous, and experience using it to cover her tracks." She held his gaze. Her pretty blue eyes begged him to break through the glamour, as she had obviously done with him. The puzzle started assembling itself. Of course it was her. He had known it was. 

"I guess all that LadyMouse fanfiction I wrote was a waste of my time, huh?" Marinette's giggle erupted from Ladybug's mouth. Chat took steadying breath before laying himself at her mercy. "Mari, please. Was I the boy?" He whispered the words as he leaned in, his heart thundering in his chest. Hope was coursing through his veins, making him bold. She inhaled sharply, her freckled cheeks pink beneath her mask.

"Always. It was always you." Her lips trembled as he hovered, barely an inch from them. Then she turned, kissing him on the cheek tenderly. "But, for now...you're spoken for." He groaned.

"Mean." He pulled her under his arm, mirroring their position from the locker room. She nestled her head into the crook of his neck. "One date, then I'm dumping myself." 

OOOOOO

Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed so far. I'm terrible with action sequences, so those will be used sparingly. Unfortunately, Lila can't not get herself akumatized.


	4. Chapter 4

After Lila had been carted off for the now mandatory post-akumatization counseling, and Ladybug and Chat Noir had left their little rooftop retreat, Adrien had a physics test. It was surreal to stroll into class amid all the whispers and pointed looks. He knew that the staring would only get worse as the day went on. 

Nathalie had been calling non-stop for hours. He had sent her a text, informing her that he was, in fact, intimately acquainted with Chat Noir, and no- he did not want her to do any sort of damage control. He also promised to talk to both her and his father about the situation immediately after school that day. Her continued calls, texts, and emails made it clear that they did not like the idea of waiting to discuss it. Adrien was dreading the discussion. He had no idea what his father would say to the idea that he had supposedly been sneaking a guy in a leather catsuit into his bedroom for booty calls for the better part of three years.

Nino seemed to have made it his mission to deflect any and all questions from him, and Adrien was unbelievably grateful. He was anxious about his meeting with his father, but couldn't bring himself to dwell on it. Marinette was Ladybug. Kind, gentle, stunningly beautiful Marinette Dupain-Cheng was also the bravest, cleverest, most badass girl he had ever met. He had all but fallen for her twice. Even more than that, the boy she loved had been him. She had been in love with him for _years_. And black cats were supposed to be unlucky…

Adrien's eyes snapped up as the classroom door opened again, revealing the object of his obsession. She met his eye, a little shyly. Her cheeks pinked, but she smiled all the same. She opened her mouth to say something to him, but was interrupted by a slightly teary Alya barreling into her. Adrien privately hoped that they could find a way back to the friendship they had once had, before Alya had been caught up in Lila's nonsense.

"Girl. You tried to tell me what Lila was doing. I was such a crappy friend. I thought you were jealous. That you were just trying to wreck her relationship with Adrien. You're not like that. I should have trusted you. I'm so sorry." Alya sniffled, and Marinette wrapped her up in a hug.

"For the record, I never had a relationship with Lila." Adrien needed to be perfectly clear on this matter in every facet of his life.

"Oh, I figured, Sunshine. Since, apparently, you've been shacking up with a hot cat-boy for basically as long as I've known you." He had to admit, all of his friends calling him hot was not terrible for his self-esteem. "We need details, by the way. Is he a good kisser? Does he detransform in front of you? If not, how far down does that zipper go, exactly?" 

"Alya! Those are some pretty personal questions." Marinette looked only slightly panicked, and more than a little flustered. Adrien could only hope she was contemplating that zipper in great detail.

"It's fine, but all of this is off the record. I like to think he's a great kisser, but I don't really have anything to compare it to. Yes and no to the detransformation. I've obviously been there while he was detransformed, but I don't look at him when he does it." Adrien perched on the edge of the desk, angling his body slightly toward Marinette. He had done enough modeling at this point to know exactly how to position his body to his best advantage. "The zipper is functional, and goes down to about…" he trailed his fingers down his own chest slowly, making sure his Lady's eyes were following their path. "...here." he stopped just below his navel, enjoying the tortured look on Mari's face. 

"But, how have you managed not to see his identity? Wait...unless you KNOW." Adrien couldn't help but allow a mischievous smirk to slide across his face. Poor Marinette was struggling to compose herself. She was trusting him to throw Alya off, and he wouldn't think of letting her down. That didn't mean he couldn't have a little fun. 

"A little creativity goes a long way, Alya. Blindfolds, pillows, the occasional monkey mask." He shrugged. "All very useful things. Anyway, it isn't strictly necessary for me to face him to...well..."

Alya's mouth hung open in shock, an uncharacteristic flush on her cheeks, while Marinette had moved from pink to fuschia. Even if she knew that this was all deliberate misdirection, he could almost see her imagining the scenarios that he was implying. She was absolutely going to make him pay for it later, but he was pretty sure it would be worth it just to see that look on her face. 

"Whoa, dude. I'm going to need you to stop encouraging my girl to picture you getting blindfolded and dominated. Also, I think you broke Mari." Nino snickered. 

The rest of the school day went by too quickly for Adrien's liking. Not that he enjoyed random students asking him to describe his own butt in graphic detail, but what awaited him at home was far more daunting. He dawdled as he packed up his things, hoping to catch a moment alone with his Lady before facing the firing squad. The door slammed as the last of their classmates left for the day.

"What's the latest on the torrid affairs of Adrien Agreste?" Marinette was leaning against his desk, seeming to have conquered her earlier embarrassment. 

"The affairs of Adrien Agreste are complicated, bizarre, and severely narcissistic in nature." Adrien shoved a notebook roughly into his overstuffed bag. It was their last year before university, and their workload was significantly heavier than ever before. "But, you should know, I'm thinking about you the whole time." Mari swatted his arm playfully. 

"You can't just say things like that to me as Adrien. I'm not used to you being a flirt. I keep forgetting to breathe." She said it playfully, but there was real vulnerability in her expression. Adrien's heart skipped a beat. 

"Hey, it's true. You're the only girl I've ever thought about." Adrien brushed his thumb against her arm. Marinette gave him a doubtful look.

"Kagami. Two years ago." He shook his head seriously at her words.

"A half-baked attempt to get over you. We held hands, kissed on the cheek...I just never felt it, you know? My heart had already found its home." Marinette tried fruitlessly to stifle the happiness that washed over her and put a finger over his lips. 

"Oh, Adrien, just...shush. If you don't be quiet right now, I'm going to kiss you. And once I do, I'll probably never stop. So, let's figure out a time that we can plan your romantic outing with your boyfriend. Maybe a few of them. Then you can break up, and Ladybug and I can help mend your broken hearts or whatever." Adrien smiled down at the love of his life as she internally orchestrated one of her patented convoluted plots. He wasn't sure the first option was so terrible. Who wouldn't dump Chat for Marinette? 

"I have to go talk to my father now. I might not survive. This could be your last chance." Adrien quirked an eyebrow hopefully.

"Minou, I know humor is a coping strategy for us, but... if it doesn't go well...or, even if it does… call me. Or come to my patio. Let me know how you're doing. I know you can handle this, but I'm still going to worry. Worst case, you can always come live with me. I mean, you'd be out a rock wall, but at least we have carbs…" If he wasn't already completely gone for this girl, he would have fallen all over again.

"I love you." His voice was quiet, reverent. Marinette's nervous rambling came to an abrupt halt. He watched her heart battling with her mind for a full ten seconds. The anticipation burned his throat, and his breath caught in his chest. 

"Oh, screw it" she huffed, grabbing his face and pulling his lips down to hers. Adrien's heart exploded in his chest. His arms wrapped around her waist, and he whimpered into her mouth. Mari's gentle fingers wound themselves into his hair, trailed down his neck to his shoulders. They broke apart reluctantly. Leaving one last kiss on her forehead, he slung his bag over his shoulder. Marinette gathered her things shakily. There was a radiant twinkle in her eyes that Adrien knew he would never tire of putting there. Squeezing her hand, he walked to the front of the classroom and opened the door, gesturing for her to take the lead. 

"Come on, homewrecker. I have to go "explain myself" to my dad. Let's hope I'm allowed out again before I turn eighteen." Mari narrowed her eyes playfully.

"At least you only have a month to go. And, anyway, I'd break you out. Hawkmoth himself could lock you up and I'd still rescue you." She nudged him in the side with her elbow.

"Honestly, I think I would rather have this conversation with Hawkmoth." Adrien said dryly.

Nathalie waited for him in the foyer. Her expression was strained, her face paler than usual. Adrien smiled in greeting, without expecting her to return it. She sighed, ushering him in briskly.

"Your father is on a call with the PR department right now. It will likely take at least another thirty minutes. You are to go to your room until called. Do try to avoid letting any more strays in through your window." Adrien bit back a laugh. Sarcasm was the closest Nathalie ever came to sympathy. At least he would have a few minutes to organize his thoughts, and to process what had happened just twenty minutes before.

Adrien flopped backward onto his bed the moment he got to his room, grinning like a fool. Plagg sprawled out onto the pillow next to him. 

"Well kid, looks like you got yourself a boyfriend, a girlfriend, and a public sex scandal all on the same day. I'm so proud of you, kitten." Plagg's raucous laughter did little to dampen his mood.

"She loves me, Plagg. She really does. All this time." The little black kwami patted his chosen's cheek with a paw. 

"I know she does, kid. The Bug and the Cat are almost always soulmates. I have to say, though...out of the thousand or so pairs Tikki and I have had over the years, you two are by far the most revolting. You'll be disgustingly happy together." Adrien smiled, scratching the tiny god's head. 

"That means a lot, buddy." 

OOOOOO

I had intended to have the kiss take place after the meeting, but these crazy kids just couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Oh well. 😻


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Ok, fam. This chapter is a BEAST. It is very different in tone, and maybe a bit of a downer, but I'm actually really happy with how it turned out. Hope you are too. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me on this weird, silly adventure. We will return to our regularly scheduled ridiculousness after this important message from Gabriel Agreste's conscience. I now present you with some unexpected angst in a sea of crack-laced cotton candy. *drumroll*

OOOOOO

Exactly twenty-eight minutes later, Nathalie was rapping sharply on his door, her face an emotionless mask, except for an almost unnoticeable tightness in the set of her mouth. Adrien himself never would have noticed had he not lived and worked so closely with her over the years. He was also taken aback by the way she guided him to his father's atelier with her fingertips pressed lightly against his shoulder. He offered her a small, reassuring smile.

"Good luck, Adrien. Dinner will be brought to your room tonight. I will be available until eight o'clock, should you need anything." For Nathalie, this behavior was akin to a teary, heartfelt embrace. It felt like he was entering a sentencing hearing. Which, he noted, he basically was. 

"Thank you, Nathalie." Adrien nodded to her as he entered. The door closed softly behind him, and it was as though all the oxygen was sucked out of the room at once. Gabriel Agreste sat at his desk, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, and his elbow propped against the work surface. His usually impeccably tied ascot was askew, as though he had loosened it in frustration. The last time Adrien had seen his father in such a state, he had told him of his mother's disappearance. Guilt pooled in the pit of his stomach.

"Hello, Father. If I might, I would like to apologize for the way I handled things today. I did not manage my emotions well, and my behavior suffered for it. Because of my lack of self-control, you and Nathalie have been dealing with a disastrous blow to the Gabriel image. I'm profoundly sorry for that. I can't apologize for my involvement with Chat Noir, but I am deeply remorseful for any embarrassment it causes you." And he was. Until he had seen the stress that his family was under, he had thought that the only person who might be hurt by his actions would be himself. He had expected his father's wrath, not to see him in such obvious distress. Gabriel regarded him silently, pressing the tips of his fingers together, a tired, thoughtful expression on his usually stoic face. "... Father...please say something. If you could even yell at me-" Gabriel held up a hand to silence him.

"Have I been such a distant and negligent parent, that you think my primary concern right now is for my company?" Adrien froze. He wasn't sure how to respond to that question. It had never occurred to him that his father would be concerned about anything but the impact it might have on the brand. His father sighed wearily. "Adrien. Since your mother...was taken from our lives, I have struggled to find a way to express my feelings...to navigate a relationship with you. You are so very like her. You are emotional, impulsive, and unfailingly trusting of the goodness you believe to be in everyone. Because I knew your mother so perfectly, I thought I knew you as completely. You and Emilie have been the twin suns in my life. I am not like you. I do not give off light of my own. I am a moon that merely reflects the light around me." Adrien opened his mouth to speak, overwhelmed completely by his father's outpouring of genuine feeling, but Gabriel merely shook his head and continued. "For years, now, I have found it difficult to be near you. This is not because you do not shine brightly enough, but because your light reminds me of the absence of hers." Adrien felt a tear rolling down his cheek, but couldn't find words to express the swirling jumble of emotions building up in him. What had he done? His father's voice was strained as he continued. "I have done some truly terrible things to try to bring her back to us. I thought I was doing this for you...but I see now that what I did may have caused you to seek any available outlet for your loneliness and sense of abandonment. I have wronged you, son. For that, I ask your forgiveness." 

As both Adrien and Chat Noir, the boy who sat in front of Gabriel Agreste was many things. Of all those things, he was rarely speechless. He cleared his throat. No matter how much he wanted to admit that it was all a ruse, that he himself was Chat, no matter how much he wanted to burst into tears and tell his father everything...he knew he couldn't. He couldn't endanger him with his identity, nor was he entirely sure he could trust him with it. Despite the breakthrough in communication that they seemed to be having, he still barely knew his father. None of that changed the fact that he was utterly moved by his father's speech.

"Father...it's true that I have spent a lot of time feeling hurt, and angry, and... abandoned, to use your word. I'm not going to pretend that that hasn't played a part in my... choices. It has." He paused to consider how he would phrase the next statement, to make it as true as possible. "If I hadn't felt those things, I'm not sure that Chat Noir would have meant what he has to me. I've never seen that particular situation as your fault, though. My relationship with a particular superhero, and the very strong feelings I have for them...they are a good thing. If anyone is to blame, it's Hawkmoth. Chat would never have come into my life if he hadn't been terrorizing Paris." 

Adrien held his father's gaze. There was a flash of something he couldn't name in his father's eyes, and then Gabriel Agreste did something Adrien could never have predicted. His somber expression cracked and crumbled like wax that had dried over skin. And, suddenly, Gabriel Agreste was laughing. It was a rich, hearty, and slightly hysterical laugh, and it didn't seem as though it would be stopping anytime soon. Adrien couldn't help it, it was like a weight had been lifted. Suddenly, he was laughing too. 

After several minutes of unprecedented lightness between the Agreste men, Gabriel spoke.

"Adrien, I am sure you know by now that the information was leaked by Miss Rossi. I would advise you to discontinue your friendship with her. I know that I encouraged it, but I was under the impression that she wished to protect you from scandal. Obviously, that is not the case." Adrien snorted. His father raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, father. It's just...Lila Rossi has never been my friend. She's a liar- a manipulative, self-serving troll who I only agreed to play nice with to protect someone very dear to me." He took a deep breath. "Several years ago, Lila threatened and bullied my friend Marinette so severely that she was nearly akumatized. Mari is probably the kindest person I know, and she didn't stand up to Lila when she had the chance because of me. I gave her bad advice, and she was expelled from school because of Lila's sociopathic campaign to get her out of the way. I made a deal with the devil to get Marinette back in school, and to appease Lila enough that she would leave her alone."  
Gabriel looked slightly surprised.

"That seems like an awfully big personal sacrifice for someone who is just a friend." Gabriel commented. "Is there more to that?" From within his jacket, Plagg nudged him in the side. He made a mental note to switch him to canned cheese spray for a week.  
Adrien gulped. He had not prepared for this. Marinette was far from "just a friend", but...then again...they weren't official yet, although he hoped that would change very soon. Adrien shrugged nonchalantly.

"She's my best friend. I couldn't let someone hurt her while I had the power to stop it." It was the truth, if not the whole truth.

"Very noble of you." His father stood, walking around to lean against the front of his desk. "Well, since I have apparently missed out on the first three years of what seems to be a fairly serious relationship, I would like it if you could invite your... boyfriend, or whatever term it is you prefer...over for dinner next Friday. I'd like to get to know the person who was worth such a risk for my son. Also, it would be appreciated if the two of you could arrange to be seen together in public on a few occasions, in a secure setting, of course." Adrien rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He had been afraid of this.

"I'll talk to him about it. It might be difficult, though. He and Ladybug are very cautious about their identities, and a public date would put me directly at risk. He might not like that." It would also be incredibly difficult to stage, even with the Fox Miraculous. Illusions only lasted five minutes.

"I'm sure we could find a way to ensure that you are in no danger from Hawkmoth." Gabriel said, an odd sort of smirk twisting his mouth. "I won't ask you if you know his identity. Spending so much time together, it would be hard not to." Adrien shook off a nervous shudder.

"You would be surprised. Like I said, he's very careful. He and Ladybug have a very strict policy about that. Civilians cannot know their identities, even ones they're involved with. They guard their identities, even from their fellow heroes." Gabriel nodded.

"I understand. Please let me know when you are able to make contact with him. Also, it would be helpful if you could both be a bit more delicate in the way you discuss your relationship in public." Adrien smiled.

"Of course, Father. Thank you, for being so understanding. It was... unexpected, and it means more to me than you know." 

Gabriel gestured for him to stand, and Adrien complied. His father rested a hand on his shoulder. 

"Everything will be alright, son. I'll see to it."

Adrien returned to his room, feelings a bizarre mix of relief, joy, and unease. There was something about the interaction with his father that felt as though it were more critical than he had ever thought. He texted Marinette, assuring her that he was more than ok, and that he would be at her house early the next morning so they could talk before school. As he was sending a final kiss emoji, he noticed several missed calls and texts from Nino. He opened the first text.

'Dude. I forgot my headphones in the classroom today.' Maybe he had wanted Adrien to grab them? He scrolled down.

'I saw something I probably shouldn't have.' What had he seen exactly?

'We need to talk about Mari.' CRAP. Of course. That's what he had seen. Adrien stared at the messages for a moment, took a screenshot, and sent it to Marinette before burying his head under his pillow. Crap. Crap. Crap.


	6. Chapter 6

Adrien's finger was still hovering indecisively over the screen of his phone when he heard a sharp rap on his window. Ladybug was dangling from her yoyo string, dripping wet. She wore an expression that he imagined matched his own pretty closely. He jumped up to flip the latch, swinging the glass wide and offering her a hand. He hadn't even noticed it was raining.

"Well, shit." was all she said.

"Pretty much sums it up." Adrien's eyes were on his feet. He couldn't believe the mess he had made in the last twenty-four hours. He sighed, pulling Ladybug into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Bug. Apparently, I really should have left the bigs plans to you. Whatever you were cooking up had to have been better than this. And you were right. I shouldn't have pursued anything with you until after we cleaned up the first mess."

"Oh, Kitty. It's okay. We'll figure this out. My plan wasn't much better. I was going to claim that I was with Chat Noir myself. It would have been just as risky. I was just worried about you, because of your dad. Besides, who kissed whom?" She raised an eyebrow under the mask, and Adrien couldn't help but think how adorable she looked. 

"I didn't exactly discourage you about that kiss, though. And it would have been easier to prove your claims. Even without a reveal, if it meant avoiding rumors that I was sleeping with Lila…" He cringed. "I can guarantee that Chat Noir would have let Marinette drag him around town wearing a cat harness and a leash." Ladybug laughed. It was a sweet, tinkling sound, like rain hitting windchimes. 

"So...what happened with your dad?" She asked in a small voice. Adrien interlaced their fingers, escorting her further into the room.

"Actually, it was great. He was mostly worried about me... like, he actually sounded like a parent. He talked about my mom, and invited Chat for dinner. I'm also supposed to go on some public dates with myself, to normalize the relationship. So that's a thing we need to figure out. Anyway, I'm more concerned about what we should do about Nino. You have suggestions?"

"I mean... other than pray that he hasn't told Alya yet?" Adrien screwed up his face at the thought. 

"I don't think he would do that until I had a chance to explain. That being said, he's a horrible liar and his poker face is literally non-existent. Whatever we do, we should probably do it fast." Ladybug nodded, pushing her wet bangs out of her eyes. "Here. Why don't you detransform and I'll get you a towel. You're going to catch a cold at this rate." Marinette, and the look on her face was definitely more Marinette than Ladybug, hesitated. A blush crept out from under her mask.

"I'm fine. I kind of... can't? I was getting ready for bed when I got your text. So...I'm kind of...less than decent." Adrien tried to stop the grin that cracked across his face. He failed.

"You don't say? Exactly how much less than decent are we talking?" Mari scowled, her whole face the color of her suit.

" Underwear, ok? I'm in my underwear. Shut up and wipe that look off of your face." Adrien stepped closer, invading her personal space just a bit.

"Whatever look do you mean, M'lady?" Adrien leaned in, inches from her face. Ladybug let out a shaky breath and slowly brought her hand up as though to caress his face. He closed his eyes and jumped back as he felt a sharp, fleeting pain on his nose.

"Bad Kitty." Marinette's voice was scolding, but there was an undeniably playful tone to it.

"Did you just flick me?" Adrien snorted.

"You deserved it, standing there like the Chat who got the cream. Not today, Kitty Cat. We've got a mess to clean up." He smiled at her, softly this time. She was bossy and fierce, but also shy and insecure. His Lady and his Princess. It hit him again how obvious it was. He had been such a fool not to have seen her. 

Ladybug put a gentle finger under his chin and guided him closer while rising up to stand on her tiptoes. She soothed him with a feather-light kiss on the very tip of his nose. It was unnecessary. It hadn't really hurt in the first place, but it filled him with a wonderful feeling of warmth. He returned the gesture with a peck to her forehead before turning to his closet. He rifled through his drawers until he found the perfect solution. When he emerged with the bundle of fabric, she eyed him suspiciously.

"Is that…" he unfurled the fabric for effect. An impish smirk took up residence on her pink lips. "It is! Adrien Agreste owns a Ladybug onesie!"

"Now, now. Don't go getting a big head or anything. When you're Chat Noir's regular booty call, role-playing is part of the deal. What can I say, the guy's obsessed." She swatted him on the shoulder, shaking her head at his antics even as she took the pajamas. He nodded toward the bathroom. "Towels are in the linen closet." He moved back to his original position on his bed, staring at the messages from Nino again, wondering what kind of solution they could come up with that would be remotely believable.

Five minutes later, an unfairly adorable Marinette Dupain-Cheng emerged from his en suite in a comically large version of her own super suit. Her damp hair was down, and it struck him, not for the first time, how beautiful it looked that way. The whole image was somehow intimate, domestic. Even in the midst of a rather large personal crisis, he had never been happier.

"This is going to sound strange, coming from me, but I think we should tell him the truth." she said. That had not been at all what he had expected to hear.

"Seriously? Miss "No-one-can-know-our-secret-identities" Dupain-Cheng is all about the reveals today." She nodded, sitting next to him on the bed.

"Hear me out. He's not going to believe that we're in some sort of poly relationship. Neither of us would be able to pull that off. We're both pathologically monogamous. I can't have him thinking that you would cheat, either. It would destroy his image of you entirely. We can't spin this one without endangering your friendship. Honestly, I don't necessarily think Fu's identity rule was effective. Hawkmoth could use us against each other regardless. Not to mention that hiding our identities almost resulted in one of us losing our Miraculous on multiple occasions. And...I'm fairly confident that Nino can be trusted with the information." Adrien looked at her incredulously.

"Nino is literally the worst secret-keeper I know. He once told me that Alya has a birthmark on her left butt cheek, just because she told him not to tell anyone." Mari's lips quirked up on one side, the same way they did when she was about to throw him at an akuma.

"I don't know, he's done a pretty good job not telling you that he's Carapace." Adrien's eyes went wide, as the weight of his own stupidity settled over him.

"Which means that Alya is Rena Rouge, and my friend circle is actually half the size I thought it was." He chuckled ironically. "Everybody always tells me how naïve I am, but it never really sunk in until today. I've been surrounded by superheroes all day, every day, and never suspected a thing. Any chance Kim is Hawkmoth?" Marinette's nose wrinkled up in amusement. "Nope." Her eyes twinkled with so much mischief that he knew instantly. He pitched his voice in his best imitation of her teasing lilt. "Of course not. Because he's obviously King Monkey. Silly Kitty." She stuck her tongue out. "Did you choose anyone outside of Kagami who isn't in our class?" Marinette rolled her eyes.

"First of all, I didn't choose Kim. Fu did. Second of all, cut me some slack. Most of the auxiliary heroes were chosen when we were fourteen. I picked people I knew I could trust. And, Luka wasn't even in our year." Adrien gave her a wicked smile.

"But, you didn't choose Luka. You chose me. I chose Luka after I failed thousands of times in a row. I'm just saying, why did Adrien get to choose a Miraculous wielder before Chat did?" Adrien dodged a pillow that was thrown at him.

"Because Chat Noir never did a swimsuit spread. Now...back on topic." He wasn't sure how she expected him to talk about Nino after hearing something like that, but he nodded his assent anyway. 

"I'll always trust your judgement, Bug. And, I trust Nino. But, I hope you know that Alya will know twenty seconds later. And then you're going to have to explain that piece you did for the Ladyblog a few years back. The one where you theorized that Ladybug was actually the ghost of Joan of Arc." Mari grinned.

"She had it coming. She created a camera filter that put Ladybug masks on everyone. I had to pretend to have IBS for three days to hide from her until I could convince Max, as Ladybug, to corrupt the data and destroy it. And, it was partially true. Joan was a Ladybug." Adrien laughed, pulling her close. Marinette sighed contentedly, resting her head on his shoulder. "So... should we go pay Nino a visit? Put him out of his misery?"

"Can I text him back first? Tell him the reason I didn't respond is because Chat and Ladybug are both in my bed this time?" 

"Don't make me flick your nose again, Chaton."


	7. Chapter 7

The first order of business was to make a quick stop by Marinette's house to let her change into appropriate clothing. Much to Adrien's displeasure, she had been unwilling to wander the streets of Paris while wearing his Ladybug onesie. So, once she was dressed in a pair of black leggings and an oversized pink sweater, they returned to the mansion to drop off an overnight bag for Marinette, since some strategizing might be necessary, and Marinette's house did not have multiple layers of soundproofing in all of the walls. There were some perks to having a pathologically secretive and introverted father.

Nino's apartment was a good fifteen minutes by car, and nearly forty-five by foot. The rooftop path leading there from the mansion was part of Chat's regular patrol route, so he knew that time could be cut down to about five minutes by avoiding traditional modes of travel. This meant that Adrien and Marinette had enough time to detransform two streets over and walk the remaining distance at a normal pace, while still arriving just before nine o'clock. It was late, but still an acceptable time to stop by the Lahiffe household, which was fairly casual about curfews and bedtimes. 

Adrien looked at Mari as he rang the bell, rethinking whether it was wise to endanger her. He could just tell Nino his own identity, but then it would be a short leap to hers. Or, he could pretend that he had been harboring feelings for Marinette the whole time. Maybe he and Chat had a deal, that if Mari or Ladybug ever came around, there would be no repercussions? No. His head was already spinning with the stories he had crafted so far. How did Lila do this every day? 

No. He would start with his identity and hope Nino didn't choose to follow the trail of breadcrumbs any further. Misdirection was one thing, but he hated outright lying to people he cared about. Even the lies of omission he had been dropping since this morning left him with a pit in his stomach.

On the second ring, a short, olive-skinned woman with wavy black hair opened the door. She smiled warmly in recognition an patted Adrien's cheeks affectionately as she gestured them inside, shooing Nino's younger brother to bed in quiet Arabic. Once he'd had trudged away, she turned back to them.

"Adrien! Child, you are thinner than the last time I saw you. It is good you are with Marinette. She can help fatten you up." Mari received a pat on the head and a wink. 

"We're not actually dating, Mrs. Lahiffe," the girl supplied, with a pointed look at Adrien. It was common knowledge that Nino's mother avoided most media outlets, so it was possible that she hadn't heard yet. 

"Yeah...I'm actually...off the market. At the moment." Adrien added awkwardly. Mrs. Lahiffe glanced back and forth between them, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

"Is that so?" Nino's mother looked unconvinced. It was suddenly very clear why Nino was so terrible at lying. There was no point. Adrien could see by looking at her that any attempt at deception was an exercise in futility. Rather than dig himself a hole that he wasn't sure he would be able to climb out of, Adrien offered her his least believable model smile and quickly changed topics.

"Is Nino available? We kind of wanted to talk to him about something." The suspicion on Mrs. Lahiffe's face only grew, but she let him continue. "We...we would have talked about it at school, but it's...a secret. From Alya." Adrien could practically hear Marinette mentally begging him to shut up.

"A secret. A good one, I assume? Like a surprise?" She asked slowly.

"Oh yeah. It'll be a REALLY big surprise. We hope. If I don't ruin it." Marinette smiled, the way she did when Chat Noir misjudged a vault and smacked into a chimney. 

"He's in his room, remixing the new album from some musician he hates. K.Y. or something equally ridiculous." He and Mari both chuckled good-naturedly, thanking Nino's mother and making their way to their friend's bedroom.

The door was closed, and knocking seemed to have little effect. After a few attempts, Adrien turned the knob, but hesitated before pushing it open.

"Please, please be wearing pants this time." Adrien said the words under his breath, but it was obvious from her expression that Marinette had heard. He shook his head. This was not something she wanted to fully visualize.

A light tap on the shoulder startled Nino out of his hyperfocused trance. It was normal to find him with his headphones turned up too high, lost in his work. This time, though, Adrien caught a look at his computer screen. It was open to the Ladyblog, specifically, it was open to the The of photos featuring Chat Noir. 

"Hey, dudes. I wasn't expecting you to race over here. I mean, it's awesome to see you both, but Adrien, man. You could have just called." Nino's mouth had a more serious set than Adrien was used to seeing on him. Even the ghost of a smile he offered with the statement was laced with something else. It wasn't anger...maybe disappointment? Definitely concern. "I wanted to get the story behind what happened earlier. It was...a little confusing, given everything else we've learned about you today." 

"Yeah...it's been a day, hasn't it? You see...there are a lot of things I haven't told you." Adrien rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"You don't say," Nino quipped. "You wanna elaborate on that at all, bro?" No. He didn't. 

"I kissed him. I was jealous. I realized he was slipping through my fingers, and I reacted. I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help myself. He just kept saying such sweet things, and I just...lost it." Adrien shook his head, opening his mouth to retort. He couldn't let her take the hit for him. That was his job. However, Nino held up a finger to silence him.

"My dude did not appear to be pushing you off of him or signaling for help. That's the first thing that we need to talk about. I had hoped to talk to Adrien alone about this, because there are some things I know are sensitive info. I don't want to make anybody uncomfortable by sharing their personal feelings and shit." Nino's hands were folded casually in his lap. Marinette stared at her shoes.

"He knows how I feel about him, Nino. And for how long." Adrien forced himself to look away from her, knowing if he didn't, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from kissing her again. Nino nodded, a tiny glimmer of what looked like pride in his eyes. 

"Ok, Marebear. I need a minute to hash a couple of things out with Adrien. You wanna go grab us a few sodas from the fridge? If you want, there's a bag of chips in the pantry too." Marinette smirked at the nickname. It was something he had called her on a few occasions, but Adrien didn't know the history there. She nodded and backed out quietly, closing the door behind her. Nino turned his desk chair around and patted the bed behind him.

"Nino, I don't want you to think that I would-" Adrien began.

"Bro. I'm completely aware of the kind of guy you are. I'm not mad at you. Here's the thing, though. I've been thinking about this all day. Shit isn't lining up. You've apparently been hooking up with Chat Noir for years...okay. No problem. He's a great dude. Alya even found an old pic she took of him leaving your bedroom window during an akuma attack. So that checks out." Adrien felt a cold sweat coming on. "If it was just you screwing a superhero, I might be a little bummed that you never told me, but I'd get it. Identities are a thing. What got me was the timing. You keep a secret for three years and then go public so suddenly...You're probably the most private guy I know, and you threw yourself under that bus like it was Clara Nightingale in a g-string." Adrien snorted. 

"I couldn't take Lila saying that stuff, man. It got under my skin." He shrugged it off, but Nino wasn't having it.

"Why, though? There have been rumors that Chat was dating pretty much every other member of the team, and you never said a word. There were shots of him making out with Ladybug on two separate occasions. I can't even remember you being in a bad mood. What changed?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Maybe because Mari was about to cover for him, and I didn't want Lila to go after her." Nino's eyes softened.

"Dude. Let's be real for a second here. You and Chat both indicated that you were involved, but you didn't say you were in a relationship. And, now that I think about it, you've been pretty careful with what you've said. You said Chat Noir was in your bed last night. You said neither would complain if LB wanted to join you, and that you two were "pretty exclusive". And, I happen to know you dated Kagami for a few weeks a couple years ago. You are almost never around during akuma attacks. Even when we start out hiding with YOUR body guard. Finally, my man, you have been besotted with a certain polka-dotted heroine for as long as we've been friends." Adrien was so busy running through possible explanations for everything Nino had leveled against him, he didn't even hear himself speak.

"I think you mean "be-spotted"." Nino closed his eyes in feigned agony.

"Not to mention the puns. No two people in France could have jokes that bad." Adrien struggled to respond. This was his best friend. They were as close as brothers. If he asked directly, he wasn't sure he could lie to him. "What wouldn't quite fit with my pet theory is what I saw in the classroom. That did not look like a casual kiss, my dude. The way you were looking at that girl afterward, if I didn't know better…" Adrien dropped his gaze. He knew he was blushing. "Just...I know she said that you know how she feels, but I can't imagine you have a real idea of what you mean to that girl, unless I'm missing something big. Don't break her heart. Bro or not, possible superhero or not, I will destroy you."

"Nino, I would honestly die first. There's a lot at play right now, but hurting her is literally the last thing I would ever do. If anyone gets hurt here, it will be me." Adrien lifted his eyes back to Nino's, so his friend would know just how serious he was. 

"You love her." Adrien nodded. It was the truest thing that had ever been said, even if it fell abysmally short of describing what he felt. "As Mari, or as Ladybug?" There it was then. Nino might not be one-hundred percent sure, but he was close enough that Adrien couldn't think of a way to deflect, and a major part of him didn't want to. "Look, man. I've suspected you for awhile. Alya's almost figured you out a couple of times too, but has been talked out of it. I think she's fully off your scent for now, but you need to be careful. Assuming I'm right, of course. Which you don't need to confirm or deny unless you want to. No pressure, dude." 

Adrien smiled. Because, only Nino would be able to know something of this magnitude, and be completely willing to pretend he didn't, just to allow his friends to continue living in their comfortable fantasy world. 

"Let it be known, whatever jokes you might think you have about any of this, you think I look hot in leather. I have witnesses, half-shell." Nino grinned, putting a fist out for him to bump.

"Hey, you know what? You totally do. I feel no shame." Adrien pulled his best friend in for a tight hug. "Your secret will always be safe with me, bro." 

"Dude. Especially from Alya. I might have to take a vow if silence, but I'll make it work. Bro's before-" Nino broke off as Mari poked her head in. "-extremely intelligent, beautiful women who we are unworthy of being in the presence of." He finished nervously. Marinette gave him a wry smile.

"Nice save. Are you done with your little chat?" She asked.

"I think my man is well above average height, and from what I hear, he's all yours." Nino said, dodging the bag of chips that was hurled his way. Adrien snickered.

"Ugh. Are you sure? Because it seems like you two deserve each other." Mari groaned.

OOOOOO

Sorry for the delay on this one. It got a little long, and life has been hectic for a few days. Next time: the Terrific Trio stages the first public appearance of AdriChat. Things get out of hand.


	8. Chapter 8

Marinette had agreed to bring Nino's Miraculous to school that day, that way he could meet them for patrol to discuss what they were going to do about "Operation AdriChat", as they had dubbed it. Adrien was grateful to have such devoted friends. Not just anyone would go to such lengths to bail him out of a disaster he himself had brought on.

Marinette had been practicing with the Fox Miraculous, trying to produce a convincing illusion of him with his alter ego. Unfortunately, the attempts had only been partially successful. She could create the illusion, but the interactions felt stiff and artificial. Her theory was that it was hard for her to wrap her mind around, and since she wasn't able to effectively imagine two Adriens together (she admitted that she was a little afraid to unleash her imagination in that department), the illusions were suffering. 

He had even stopped over that morning to try out an idea she had about limiting the illusion to one Adrien, so that he could interact with it personally. The idea was to make it more natural. Having the real Adrien there would allow Mari to devote twice the energy to the other one. However, no matter which self he portrayed, this didn't work out very well. He couldn't touch the illusions without blowing their cover. His hand would go right through it.

It was Nino who had suggested that they wrap the illusion around a person. Adrien had been hoping that person could be Mari, but it would be significantly easier to manage if the person in question was roughly the same height and build as Adrien. This meant that, rather than going on a date with himself, he would be going on a date with Nino, who would be disguised as...him. Had he mentioned that he was really, really grateful to have such devoted friends? Because he was.

The school day passed awkwardly. Chloé had returned from a two-year exile to New York. He had hoped that everyone else's disdain for her after Miracle Queen might have died down (along with his own, if he was honest. It didn't seem as though that was the case, though. She was greeted with almost as much ire as she had faced before she left. Adrien had given her a half-hearted smile and a small wave when she'd walked in, but she'd done nothing but glare daggers at him all day. Apparently, she wasn't happy with him for something. He had a pretty good idea what that something was. That was fine by him. Being in bed with Chat Noir (literally) was better than being in bed with Hawkmoth (hopefully not literally).

Adding to the tension was Nino's obvious discomfort at keeping something from Alya. Adrien knew that he would never betray his secret, but it made him feel guilty that his friend was uncomfortable. With any luck, his involvement in their shenanigans would be limited after this had all blown over. Then, at least, he wouldn't be hiding quite as much from her.

When the bell finally rang, Marinette made a point of saying goodbye to Alya and the boys individually. She made quite a show of clapping Adrien on the shoulder supportively, knowing that the gesture would be enough to distract Alya while Nino slipped the small Miraculous Box from his jacket pocket, as planned. Adrien put on a frown, sighing dramatically.

"Thanks, Mari. It's just been so stressful with the media, and the jealous fans. My father's taking everything better than I had expected, but things are still weird at home. It's a lot." There. Alya was hooked, her journalistic instincts piqued and anxiously awaiting any juicy details.

"Everything will work out. We're all here for you, Adrien. We're your friends. You deserve happiness, and we'll do everything we can to help you get it." 'Don't kiss her. Don't kiss her. Don't look at her like you're going through all of things that she could do to make you happy in your head.' This was the mantra that Adrien repeated to himself as warmth radiated from Marinette's hand, which was still firmly planted on his collarbone. 

"I really appreciate all of your support, you guys too." He nodded to Alya and Nino. "I don't know what I would do without you."

"Of course, dude. Relationships are hard enough without paparazzi breathing down your neck all the time." Nino said, giving him an affectionate thump on the back.

The conversation was staged, of course. Alya would be watching the development of this situation closely, so his obvious frustration at the situation with Chat would feed naturally into a falling out. Then, since Marinette had been so supportive during the media frenzy, it would only be natural for him to turn to her for comfort once his affair with Chat ended. He estimated that a month or so after he ended things with his alter ego, he could openly pursue Marinette. And pursue her he would.

They went their separate ways once Alya had finished reassuring Adrien of her loyalty and support of his relationship, and of his sexual preferences too. He would be lying if he said he didn't feel just a little bit guilty for misleading her, but he also wasn't sure he could trust her. Even with the best of intentions, Alya had a knack for trusting the wrong people. So, he hugged them all, going so far as to give Mari a friendly peck on the forehead, thanked them, and set off for another awkward car ride with Nathalie. 

Dear, devoted, usually emotionless Nathalie had taken to using commutes as an opportunity to provide him with various pamphlets detailing the horrors of sexually transmitted diseases, warning signs of unhealthy and/or abusive relationships, and on LGBTQ+ issues. She even made him take a test to identify where he fell on the Kinsey Scale. Thankfully, she did not expect him to share his results. She claimed it was just to help him understand himself better. The whole idea seemed very silly to him, but he would never say anything to her. Adrien knew that this was her way of trying to help. She felt powerless to shield him from something for the first time. It was only natural that she would try to give him the materials to protect himself. By now, he had enough self-help books to build a literal barricade. Not that that could protect him, since the rampant sexual deviant that Nathalie was worried about was actually him.

Adrien couldn't wait for patrol. They weren't supposed to meet until eleven, but he was itching to be out of his room. He found himself transformed and running the rooftops over an hour early. After a very therapeutic parkour session, Chat Noir found himself in a 24 hour café. He ordered coffees for himself, Ladybug, and Carapace. By now, he knew their usual choices. It was a nice feeling, buying coffee for his two closest friends. He made his way to the rendezvous point and perched on the edge of the roof, sipping away at his dark chocolate mocha. Ladybug arrived first, dropping down next to him gracefully.

"Hey, Kitty. What do you have there?" She asked expectantly.

"Toasted coconut latte. Extra whip. Just the way my lady likes it." He handed her the cup, and she took a long, grateful gulp. 

"My hero." She sighed. Her head dropped tiredly on his shoulder. His heart picked up at the gesture. "I can't wait until I can publicly ravish you when you bring me coffee." Chat chuckled appreciatively.

"Me or Adrien?" He asked, silently wondering if Mari's caffeine tolerance could handle such a challenge. 

"Mmm... both." She said, and he could hear the smile in it.

"Be prepared. We might have to move to Brazil to keep up with the demand." He replied slyly.

"Don't worry, Chaton. I'll ravish you for other reasons too." He had just lifted his arm to pull her closer when Carapace's boots thumped against the roof behind them.

"Stop hitting on my role-play partner, LB." He said by way of greeting. Chat stood, handing over the remaining coffee.

"Don't worry your pretty little head, Cap. There's plenty of me to go around." He winked. Carapace grinned back.

"Oh, so I'm pretty am I?" He countered. Chat cradled his cheek, looking deeply into his eyes.

"No. But you will be once this foxy little bug over here does her thing." All three of them laughed. Ladybug opened her yoyo and removed the box containing the Fox Miraculous. She put it on, and unified Tikki and Trixx. Nino stood at the ready, arms out to the side. Since Adrien was already Chat, Carapace would have to portray Adrien. 

Chat watched as Foxy Lady (his name for this form, not hers) closed her eyes in concentration. She played a sweet, soft melody on the dark red flute in her hands. Almost instantly, a glamour washed over Carapace, replacing his hero form with a nearly perfect replica of himself. Even the faint scattering of freckles on the bridge of his nose were perfectly represented. It was incredibly heartwarming to see just how closely his Lady had been looking at him. She knew every line of his form, every curl of his hair. It was perfect. 

Chat reached out and took Cap's illusioned hand. The Mirage held. He put and arm around his back experimentally. Nothing dissipated. This would work very well for a short term solution. He could appear a few times in public this way, for brief periods.

"Bugaboo, would it be easier if you glamour him as Chat? There would be less detail to hold." He wondered aloud 

"Probably, but I think it's better if you can make a quick getaway. I'd rather you have your powers at your disposal." Ladybug shook her head. "No. This is the best option. Let's do a distance test. Try walking away from me. Maintain contact, though." They complied, getting all the way to the far edge of the roof without the illusion dropping.

"What do you think, M'lady? Convincing?" Chat asked, pulling his best friend into his side.

"Adrien needs to act more like Adrien. Cap, you need to play the part completely. How would you react to this situation as him? What does 'Adrien in Love' look like?" Nino smirked beneath the glamour. 

"Oh no worries, Lady Dude. I've been training for this shit for years." He took a deep breath, plastered on a dreamy smile, and skipped merrily in a circle. "Good morning, everyone!" He said in an airy, chipper tone. "Isn't everything just wonderful? Guess what?! Nathalie says that this year for my birthday, she and Father are going to stay within the maximum parameters allowed by child labor laws! For a whole day! And I'll be allowed an extra twenty-five calories!" Chat whacked him lightly on the head with his baton. "Oh! Me? In love with Marinette? No! She's just a friend. I only want to hold her hand, and play with her hair, and maybe have a couple of kids. I don't see her that way, but isn't she just the most beautiful, sweet, talented human being on the planet? No! She's not my type at all, because I'm in love with Ladybug! And I compare the two of them, like all the time, while gazing off into the distance with soft love eyes-" *whack*. Chat Noir whistled nonchalantly as his baton 'accidentally' extended to topple his double mid-skip. 

"Oops. Sorry. I'm always tripping myself up."

The girl in question was sitting on the roof, laughing hysterically. The illusion flickered and fell, her concentration completely broken. She wiped the tears from her eyes, and stood, freeing Trixx and tossing her a strawberry from her yoyo. 

"That may have been the best thing I've ever seen. Excellent work." She chuckled.

"Bugaboo, you wound me." 

The next afternoon, they decided, AdriChat would be seen getting a hot chocolate together at a stand in the park near the bakery. It would allow Foxy Lady to watch the whole thing from the relative cover of her balcony, and they could use the alley behind the building as their starting point. Nino arrived first, a good ten minutes before Adrien, to avoid suspicion. Then, Adrien would enter the alley twice. Once as Chat, where he would drop in from the roof. 

After that, Marinette would let him in through the door to the storage room, where he would detransform. Then he would walk through the bakery itself with her (under the pretense of getting some special snacks Marinette had made him), and out the front door. Then, he would stroll at a leisurely pace into the alley. This gave Mari time to transform and get into position, and for Plagg to scarf down a wedge of cheese. Once Nino was glamoured, Adrien transformed and they linked arms as they exited the alley. 

"You look much hotter than usual today, baby." Chat quipped. "Total transformation. You, my darling, are the cat's meow."

"Sometimes, dude, I wonder how Ladybug doesn't strangle you with your own tail." Nino whispered through a pained grin. They meandered casually toward the park, whispering insults under their breath while gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. It helped dispel the awkwardness, at least. 

They kept to the path, making sure to walk in plain sight. Sure enough, a few cameras flashed in their direction. Marinette had texted Alya twenty minutes before, claiming to have seen them in the area. Adrien had caught a glimpse of her, partially hidden behind a tree, filming away. He diverted Nino's attention to a street performer on the other side of the walkway. They didn't need him reacting to her presence. 

When they reached the cart, 'Adrien' made a show of reaching for his wallet, while Chat waved him off. He opened his baton, took out a bill, and ordered. It wasn't until they were almost to the bend it the path that would turn them back toward the bakery that they heard the screaming. Wonderful. An akuma. From a distance, he could just make out a few vaguely humanoid blobs, covered in what looked like yellow cotton candy.

"I AM FANGASM!!! LADYNOIR IS THE ONE TRUE SHIP!!! MY FLUFF WILL IMMOBILIZE ALL ADRICHAT TRAITORS!!!" 

Grabbing Nino's hand, he made a break for the street. As they dodged incapacitated civilians, Chat looked up at the rooftop patio where Ladybug was hiding, trying to maintain the illusion long enough for Nino to get to safety. He locked eyes with his Lady for the span of a heartbeat. Unfortunately, that was enough of a distraction that she didn't see the wad of cotton candy flying her way until the last second. She rolled out of the way, but her concentration was not completely on the task at hand. They were surrounded on all sides by onlookers, Nino's eyes wide, and flickering from green to brown. The illusion around his mouth was melting away completely. Chat thought quickly, knowing the solution was not going to go over well with his friend. 

Pushing back his own reservations, Chat pulled the mostly glamoured Nino toward him. "Sorry, Alya." He muttered, and slammed Nino's visible lips to his, effectively hiding the slip, while extending his baton and vaulting them up to the balcony to join a comically gobsmacked Ladybug. Nino pushed him off, spluttering, as they tumbled down the skylight to safety. Chat grinned apologetically, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he stood.

"Dude." Nino gasped, wiping the back of his hand over his lips. "You better have all your shots. And you owe me lunch. For a month."

000000

So, it took longer than expected, but here it is. Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

"Bro. Seriously. I expect a panini every day this month. And that fruit tea from the café down the block from the school. You owe me, dude. I'm never going to be able to scrub that from my brain." Chat grinned. His tail swished back and forth playfully as his eyes tracked Nino's pacing form.

"I know I'm unforgettable, but seriously. One kiss and you start demanding that kind of exclusivity? Yikes. Clingy." Chat purred. 

"I will murder you, fleabag." Nino slapped at the back of his head while Mari smiled wryly. 

"Look, buddy, I had to do something. Those voluptuous Moroccan lips look magnificent on you, but they stand out pretty obviously on my pasty ass face." Chat laughed, throwing an arm over Nino's shoulders.

"Assface is right." Nino muttered grumpily.

"Nino, if you're done seducing the love of my life away from me, there's an akuma." Chat's eyes widened.

"Ooooh, can I do it? I never get to do it!" Ladybug rolled her eyes at Chat, but handed him the box anyway. While he turned to his best friend, she divided from Trixx, who floated off to a plate of fruit in Mari's desk.

"Nino Lahiffe, this is the Miraculous of the Turtle. It grants the power of protection. Don't steal it, and don't fuck it up." Nino chuckled in spite of himself.

"Sir, yes, sir." He gave a small salute before putting the bracelet on and transforming. Ladybug gave a long sigh.

"Interesting twist on the speech there, Kitty." Ladybug drawled, giving his tail a sharp tug. "Now let's get out there. We have a ship to sink." He smirked.

"Sorry, Bug. I'm with Fangasm. LadyNoir is endgame." She put a gloved finger under his chin and rose to her tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips. 

"You better believe it is. But, until you're done stepping out on me with models and mutual friends, we're strictly FWB." 

"Hey, I'm not the one breaking up a perfectly happy relationship. Adrien and I were getting along just fine until you decided you just had to have me." Ladybug rubbed her temples. "Also, what's 'FWB'?" Nino groaned.

"Friends With Benefits, Bubble Boy. She'll hook up with you, but won't date you." Chat pouted, but immediately perked up.

"Benefits...I think I like benefits." Adrien let a Cheshire grin unfurl on his lips. 

"Seriously. AKUMA. Can we please go fight it now?" Ladybug asked in an exasperated tone. 

Ten minutes later, the three heroes stood atop the roof of a small pizzeria, strategizing about how to best tackle the akuma. It seemed that Chat's talent of diversion might be especially effective against this particular villain, since she seemed pretty invested in him as one half of her OTP. Unfortunately, the other half of that ship would be cozying up to Carapace and his Shellter while she worked her way to the akuma.

Chat gave an exaggerated salute as he allowed himself to free fall backward off the building, literally diving into the fight. He flipped over gracefully in the air, landing effortlessly on his feet. The victim was obviously a teenage girl, and her akumatized form did little to conceal that. Her hair was pulled up into two long, curled ponytails- one red, one green. She wore black and green leather pants that seemed to be a poor imitation of his own suit, and a red crop top with a LadyNoir themed, stylized yin yang on the chest. She gave off a faint glow, that gave the whole look an eerie quality. The mysterious yellow "fluff", disgustingly enough, appeared to be coming from the mouth of the Chat Noir plushie in her hand, which meant it was likely the akumatized object. 

Chat darted around in front of her, drawing her attention away from where LB and Cap were skirting the perimeter of the area. She wasn't difficult to distract, but it was a challenge to dodge the wads of cotton candy at short range.

"Hey, Harley Quinn, what's up with the plushie? Why don't you put that down, since the real thing's right here?" He shouted, hoping talking would slow down her attempts to trap him in the mysterious substance. 

"YOU! You have betrayed your one true love! And for WHO? A playboy model with nothing to offer but a thick wallet and a pretty face?" She screamed.

Chat had to admit, that stung. It stung enough, in fact, that his reaction time was affected. A second after she had finished, he found himself buried up to the neck in magical cotton candy. Bits of fluff stuck to his face, sticking his lips together. He noted with slight amusement that it was lemon flavored. Of course a rabid fangirl would have LEMON flavored fluff as a weapon. The akuma advanced on him menacingly, but just as she reached him, she was yanked back by a very familiar yo-yo string.

"ACTUALLY," the yo-yo's owner said heatedly, "that "playboy model" is fluent in three languages, plans to major in nuclear physics, and is a nationally ranked fencer. I'm NONE of those things." She smirked as Carapace grabbed the plushie from the furious akuma, tearing it's head off. The purple butterfly fluttered out lazily, as though it was as tired of all of the bullshit as Adrien was. "However, I am Chat's best friend. And so is he. And, akumatized or not, no one talks about my partner...or anyone he cares about, like that." Carapace gave a supportive whoop. 

"Preach it, dudette." He yelled over the voices of onlookers. Chat felt his heart swell. It was that fire that had made him fall in love with Ladybug in the first place. But this wasn't just about his feelings for her. This was one of the first times in his life that he felt like he truly had friends. Marinette and Nino would do just about anything for him, if today was any indication.

Ladybug let the victim go, snapping up the creature and purifying it. Carapace had made his way over to Chat. He teasingly scratched behind one black kitty ear. Chat growled slightly, his ear twitching. No matter how much he loved Nino at that moment, he was still completely immobilized in cotton candy. 

Ladybug called for her Miraculous cure, and Chat was caught by Carapace as the magical ladybugs swept away the effects of the akuma. 

"Thanks, buddy. It means a lot that you're always here to CAT-ch me when I fall." Chat pulled his friend into a one-armed hug.

"Whatever, dude. I love you too. Just, you aren't going to kiss me again, right?"


	10. Chapter 10

Adrien, Marinette, and Nino staged two more outings for Chat and Adrien to be seen in public together. Once, they perused a bookstore that had several private alcoves, lots of winding aisles, and a couple of strategically placed restrooms that allowed them to refresh the illusion a few times.

The third "date" included a romantic stroll along the Seine and ice cream at André's. André, to his credit, looked suitably confused as he tried to figure out a flavor combination for the unusual pair. They had ended up with a slightly off-putting mix of cinnamon, licorice, and mint. The poor ice cream vendor had looked so bothered by it that he had offered them their own separate ice creams free of charge. Needing to keep up appearances, they had forced down the rather disgusting dessert with pained smiles. Adrien, who was almost never allowed sugar, found it to be an insufferable waste of calories. 

They were fortunate to have not encountered any further trouble from Hawkmoth, but the problem of the looming dinner with Gabriel remained. The occasion would last at least a couple of hours, and it would seem strange if "Adrien" kept disappearing to the bathroom every five minutes. They had gone over several possibilities, but none of them would work well under the circumstances. What with security undoubtedly watching the situation closely, it was risky to do anything that might compromise their plan. They were beginning to seriously worry whether they would be able to pull it off when Mari finally cracked.

"I know what we need to do, but I'm not sure how we can do it." Both boys looked at her expectantly. She took a deep breath. "We need Bunnix." Nino reacted with a confused expression. Adrien wracked his brain to remember whether the Ladyblog had ever recorded anything about the future superhero. He wasn't sure whether it had, but he knew that any information would be scant. She was mysterious, to say the least.

"M'lady, do you mean... actually give out the Miraculous to it's future user? Or just use it ourselves?" Adrien asked. He leaned back against the pillows on Marinette's chaise. They had met for a strategy meeting over an hour ago, but she had waited to present this idea until all other options had been exhausted.

"Here's the thing. There was a situation, one I can't talk much about. Bunnix came to get me. She pulled me into the future to defeat an akuma, and I had to go back and prevent it from happening in the first place as well. It was bad. Identities played a big part in the fight. Bunnix said something to me. She said I chose her, in part, because she could keep a secret. I just have this feeling... maybe this is the secret. Maybe it's—" She broke off suddenly, a horrified look on her face. Adrien couldn't fight the grin that broke out as he picked up her train of thought.

"Finish the sentence, Bugaboo." He urged, teasingly.

"No. I absolutely refuse. Puns are the lowest form of humor." The challenge was heavy in the air. Of course, Adrien didn't need her participation. He could play this game all by himself.

"I'm not sure why you have to get so TICKED off. You can't FACE the music, M'lady?" Marinette groaned.

"What have I done?" She buried her head in her knees. Nino chuckled, while Adrien practically bounced in his seat.

"Hey, Nino? Did you know that the Bunny Miraculous was originally a belt?" Adrien's eyes never left Marinette as he spoke. 

"No dude, why'd they change it?" Nino played along.

"They decided it was a waist of time." 

"Oh my god, stop." Mari grumbled. "I would hate to have to hurt you."

"Nino, I should probably WATCH my step before she CLOCKS me." Adrien dodged a slap. "HANDS to yourself, Bug." Marinette gave him a withering glare.

"Kitty. I swear, I will neuter you with my pinking shears. Focus." Adrien feigned terror at her words. "We need to get this worked out. You have twenty-four hours before you have to bring yourself to dinner with your father. Unless you just want to tell him the truth?" Marinette's eyebrows rose questioningly. Adrien briefly considered the repercussions of telling his father that the PR nightmare that he had brought on the company with his 'relationship' was, in fact, nothing more than an exaggerated description of his many "duels with the pink Darth Vader" as Nino so eloquently put it. 

"No. Actually, I'm good." He hedged. Marinette smirked before continuing her explanation of the plan. 

"So, I've been thinking. If Bunnix can open a burrow from this afternoon, she could take you from the moment after I finish talking, and transport you to tomorrow. There, you can transform into Chat, and accompany yourself to dinner. Tomorrow-you will need to explain anything that happens in the next day to Today-you, but it will be safer if Adrien has first-hand knowledge of the events of his life. Chat won't be expected to know details, unless they're akuma-related. To that end, please, please, please remember to fill yourself in on anything Chat should know." 

Adrien considered the proposed plan. It was incredibly risky. His identity would be exposed to yet another person, and time travel was...tricky. There were always so many unknowns. Then again, his Lady had never steered him wrong before. This was a girl who could build a nuclear bomb with a bag full of confetti, a pop-tart, and a spoon. Bringing chaos into order was her specialty. Her instincts were infallible. Well, except for that time that she gave him the Snake Miraculous and he had spent months in a hellish loop of failure and self-doubt. But, that was just the once. Every other time...most of the time, at least, she knew exactly what to do.

"Okay. But I think there needs to be a failsafe. How can we be sure that Alix will keep my secret to herself?" Adrien queried. He liked Alix Kubdel well enough, but he wasn't close enough to her to be able to say that he trusted her. Marinette tapped her fingers together thoughtfully.

"She's been privy to a lot of information over the years, a lot of secrets. She's never blabbed on anyone. She never snitches on Kim, no matter how often he crosses the line with his dares. Most importantly, she's already volunteered several times to help Chat and Ladybug. She also knows that she's destined for one of the most powerful Miraculouses in existence, and she has never pressed for information. She's never mentioned it to anyone, even Kim. To have the sort of competitive relationship that they do, and never even hint at a destiny like that...she has some serious moral fiber hidden under that laid-back exterior. I really think this is the secret she was talking about. I think it's time to bring her in." Adrien smiled.

"Ha. You said it. It's TIME." Marinette muttered what sounded like a string of surprisingly colorful expletives under her breath, but Adrien hooked a finger under her chin and met her eyes sincerely. "Jokes aside, I trust you with my life, Bug. If you think this is the way to go, I'll follow you. Always have, always will." The girl in front of him didn't respond, but turned very pink. 

Adrien was forcefully reminded of the way she had looked on Heroes Day, all those years before. He wasn't sure how it had ever escaped him that she'd had feelings for him then. As she had that day in the park, she cupped his cheek and kissed him in gratitude, but on the lips this time. He felt the color rise in his own cheeks. It was a quick, chaste kiss. But, it was the casual ease with which she did it that surprised him. This was his new normal. He relaxed into the feeling. His Lady loved him, and he loved her. This was the way things would be once they got through the mess he had made for himself. Nino cleared his throat.

"If we're going to be recruiting new team members, don't you dudes think we should HOP to it, rather than sitting around throwing love eyes at each other?" Adrien looked over at his best friend, and then back at Marinette, a serious expression on his face.

"This is why he gets to be my fake boyfriend and you don't." Marinette rolled her eyes.

"Keep it up, Kitty, and we'll be meeting to plan your fake wedding in a few years. Hope loverboy over there is ready for a lifetime of snuggling you to sleep whilst you cry over shojo anime while wearing that lovely little getup I borrowed the other night." Mari's eyes sparkled with mischief. Nino snorted.

"The Ladybug onesie? That's nothing, dudette. My man here tell you about his 'days of the week' LB underwear collection?" Adrien felt the blood drain from his face as his two favorite people sported matching predatory grins. Marinette seemed to take a cruel sort of pity on him, though, with her next statement.

"I haven't seen those, but I might have to insist on bringing over my Chat Noir bra for comparison." Nino choked, while Adrien was suddenly very afraid that he might actually faint. Mari breezed past them, sporting a smug smile and no small amount of swagger in her light steps.

"Come on boys, we're hunting wabbits."

00000000

So sorry for my extended absence. Home renovations are a pain in the butt. I should be posting much more quickly by the middle of next week. Thanks for sticking with me!


	11. Chapter 11

Alix spent most of her afternoons at the skate park, but Thursdays were set aside for her family-mandated volunteer hours at the Louvre. She was mostly responsible for filing and organizing paperwork, but occasionally, she got to help with some of the minor exhibits. This, she had told them, was to help her gain "an appreciation for the impact and influence of historical events". Adrien hoped it was working, because Alix was about to need that sort of appreciation more than just about anyone else in the entire world.

The tricky part of this was keeping Marinette and Nino's identities safe as long as possible. If it came to it, Marinette trusted that Alix would protect their secrets, but it was best to limit the number of leaks in their metaphorical canoe. Adrien's identity, however, was quickly becoming the worst-kept secret in Paris. Ironically, the whole point of this crazy scheme was to keep the literal cat in the bag...well...in the magic leather suit, in this case. With that in mind, Adrien was planning to attempt to protect his identity if possible. The plan to do that was shaky at best.

For the sake of secrecy, Adrien went to see Alix as himself. He told the guard that he was a classmate, and needed to talk to her about a project. This wasn't a lie, even if the project was not strictly school-related. Regardless, it was obvious that the woman recognized him, because her eyes widened in surprise as she looked up.

"Of course. I didn't realize Dr. Kubdel's daughter was a friend of yours." Adrien plastered on his megawatt model smile. He was just starting to pray that the middle-aged guard was just a passing fan and not a cougar when she continued."I'm sorry...this is really unprofessional. My fifteen-year-old daughter would never forgive me if I didn't ask, though...could I get an autograph?" Adrien sighed, relieved.

"Sure thing. What's her name?" He asked as he took the offered scrap of paper and pulled a pen from his pocket. 

"Adélie. She's going to be so excited, you have no idea." Adrien smiled graciously, jotting down one of the typically generic notes he used when signing autographs. It wasn't something he liked to do, but it was a small price to pay for getting out of the mess he was in.

After a short period of feigning enthusiasm about the guard's daughter and her own modeling ambitions, he found himself being led through a steel door, and down a staff hallway. He had a feeling that it was not usually this easy to get into the restricted areas of the Louvre, and had a rare moment of gratitude for his years of forced exploitation. 

After rapping sharply on a door near the end of the corridor, his escort produced a key card, which she tapped to a sensor pad before swinging the thick steel panel in to reveal a large room containing an assortment of airtight boxes and several long work tables with lighted magnifying glasses spaced evenly along them.

It only took a brief scan of the space before he found her in the far corner. She was, with the help of her disgruntled older brother, sorting out what looked to be ancient coins. She wore a face mask, gloves, and an apron over her typically casual attire, but her bright pink hair was instantly recognizable. She looked up at the sound of the door opening.

"Agreste? What brings your pretty face down here?" Alix asked, removing the paper mask she wore as she walked over to him. Adrien rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Hey, Alix. Um, could we talk about that school project for a few minutes? It's due Monday, and my weekend is going to be pretty crazy. My part is mostly done, but if we could compare notes on a few things?" As he spoke, Alix's right eyebrow had been steadily disappearing into her bangs in suspicion.

"Yeah. Sure, Fabio. Right this way." Her voice was flat, and her mouth twisted in composed curiosity. She led him back into the hall and pushed him into a nearby storage room. He took a deep breath, carefully avoiding her characteristically piercing gaze. "Ok. Spill." She commanded, arms folded across her chest.

"I um...I have a message for you. From Chat Noir. He...well...see...were supposed to have dinner with my father tomorrow." She nodded, still looking at him with an expression that fell somewhere between intrigue and playful annoyance. 

"And...this involves me how?" Alix smirked. Adrien reached into his pocket.

"Alix Kubdel...this is the Miraculous of the Rabbit. It allows you to travel through time. You will use it for the greater good... actually, you'll be using it for my good. So my dad doesn't shish kabob me." Alix narrowed her eyes.

"Okay...so... when did Ladybug start using you to peddle magic bling? I mean, I know you're apparently boinking her partner, but I was under the impression there were rules or something." Adrien's hand automatically went to his neck. It was a tell. He would need to work on that.

"Um. Yeah. Chat and Ladybug were both busy. And, well...Chat knows he can trust me. Most of the time. Except when I start talking like this. Please just accept the stupid Miraculous so I can shut up." Adrien was melting under his classmate's withering stare. 

"One more time, Cupcake. Why YOU? Why not Rena Rouge, Carapace, hell...even Chloé?" Alix began to tap out a slow, steady rhythm with the toe of her unlaced Vans sneakers. "You, regardless of how perky your butt may be, are not a superhero. Unless I'm missing something, and you're currently wielding the Miraculous of the Dumbass?"

"Ouch." Adrien chuckled, in spite of himself. "Okay, so I won't be able to make it to dinner. Chat can be there, but I have something else, something really important, that I have to do. Ladybug suggested that it was a big enough deal to bring you in. Apparently, the Rabbit needs a very specific type of holder, and due to time shenanigans, she already knew that holder was you." Alix nodded, and he continued. "Ladybug, Chat, and I need you to pull me out of a moment yesterday, take me to the future, and then return me to the past again." Adrien took a breath and held it in, waiting.

"Okay. Tell me if I have this wrong. You want me to bend time and space, snatch you from your own timeline just to drop you into it again at a different point, then return you. Ladybug is apparently fine with random civilians, no offense, knowing my identity, despite her usual stance on that issue. All of this, to keep your human candy cane of a father from having to consider your scheduling issues?" The way she said it, even Adrien had to admit it sounded weak. "I mean... unless you ARE a hero, and this is all a pathetic attempt to throw me off your trail."

In a moment of panic, Adrien met her eyes. Her shrewd little smirk did not ease Adrien's sense of foreboding. He narrowed his own eyes back at her, utilizing his years of training to school his expression into something resembling enigmatic.

"What if I am? I could be one of them. Maybe I'm Carapace, or Viperion, or hell...what if I'm Rena Rouge? After all, I am pretty-" He was abruptly cut off by Alix's bony fingers pinching his lips closed.

"I swear on all that is awesome, Agreste, if you say 'foxy', I will strangle you with your own freakishly clean shoelaces." Adrien weighed his options, deciding silence was the wisest course. So, he nodded, grinning. Alix continued, with the smallest touch of excitement coloring her voice now. "Okay. I'll give you a pass for now, pretty boy. I'll do it. But only because I really want to do this whole time travel thing." Adrien dropped the box into her outstretched hand.

"Allons-y." Adrien said, affecting the best British accent he could manage.

"Do your hoards of drooling fangirls know what a dork you are?" Alix deadpanned.

"Hey. It's humanizing. It makes me relatable. If I were attractive, intelligent, and cool, the public wouldn't be able to handle it." Adrien beamed down at his tiny, irritated friend.

"I had no idea you had this kind of ego. You always seemed so humble." She quipped.

"It's bigger on the inside."

OOOOOOOO

Hey, everyone! Sorry it's been a minute. I was moving, and then with this pandemic, I've been homeschooling two of my kids. Let me tell you, I am not cut out for this. I'll try to have the next chapter up within the next week. Thanks for sticking with me!


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